Saturday, July 16, 2016

Day 63: I'm done! Yay!

Miles: -3

So last night after I posted I continued that line of thought. I didn't really do a serious "do I still want to be here?" Breakdown. I planned on doing that every 30 days. So doing it on day 6x seemed fine.

I feel fine with the choice to be done with the trail. Jamie said it sounded like I hit "the wall". I think the day in the swamp with the hurt leg, where I couldn't find a rock. That felt like the wall. A sort of insurmountable dread of continuing. The week of recovery sent me back to the trail healthy and in good enough spirits.

This last week on the trail was the typical mix of good and bad. I made it through the rest of mass into Vermont. Saw some beautiful scenery etc. But it wasn't exactly fun.

This didn't feel like the wall, just a good time to stop.

I think it was easier when Jamie was around. There was camaraderie and I could misery vampire pretty much at will. Hiking by myself had advantages, speed, being able to stop and just look at stuff. But it was also monotonous.

I feel like if I were young and able to run with a hiking bubble it would have been fun, making friends along the way. My pace and injury kept me from really spending more than a couple of days with any particular hikers. I would certainly recommend the AT for the young. And I am certainly not ruling out doing more sections in the future, I'm feeling good about getting off the trail right now. I'd rather spend this free time with friends and family. And playing games always has its appeal.

So is the blog done? I plan on hooking up with my parents as they are out sailing right now. So I think that will be interesting enough to blog about. I'll probably also blog gen con too. Maybe random stuff in between. So I'm not going to promise daily updates, but something will be here.

Now I'm going to watch reality tv at my brother's place and eat a blizzard.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Day 62: not fast enough

Miles 13

I woke up early this morning and was out of camp by 630. My plan instead of the short 7, or the normal 13, was to try for the record 21 miles.

I went crazy fast in the morning and got my first third done and I sat in a shelter to eat some lunch. The shelters in Vermont are crap. Old and beat up. They don't seem well maintained. There is trash in them. There was a chipmunk escape hatch in the floor of the shelter I ate in. The greedy rodent was popping in and out as I ate trying to get my food.

The second third of the day had a big rocky descent, and a steep climb right after that killed my pace, and I didn't get to my second shelter stop until two thirty. In my mind I was going to push on if I made it by 2. So 2:30 is a check the book situation. The last 8 miles was basically uphill most of the way, with no water and nothing to see. At my current pace I would have gotten to shelter around 7 or 8, assuming I didn't slow down. And there is limited tenting at the next shelter. So I did the rational thing and quit while I'm ahead.

It would have been nice to put up a 20, but I would either have to start earlier, or have more favorable terrain. I think I could have done it today, it just would have been unpleasant for no good reason. I feel fine now, my feet hurt at the end of the day, but I'm not especially tried or sore anymore.

I fear the week off the trail has ruined me. It was fun to see family, to play board games, to watch tv. Maybe my failure to put up a 20 has sent me into a depression, but I am not really looking forward to hiking. I have seen a lot of trees and rocks and stunning vistas. I just see more of the same in front of me and I'm not all that excited to see it. Just as I am getting good at this I might be done with it. When I compare it against the option of going back to Maine, hanging out and going sailing with my parents, it sounds really bad.

I am using the gen con hard end date as a goal to keep me motivated. There is no good spot to get off the trail where I am anyway. So I will see how I feel about this in a few days.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Day 61: welcome to Vermont

Miles: 10
Water: 1l 1 Gatorade 1 dr pepper

I slept in a shelter last night, and it was only minorly wretched. I took a tylenol pm so that helped.  The upside is that when the other two guys got up in the morning it kind of forced me to get up earlier. Strangely I was the last one awake but the first to leave the shelter. I guess my time to trail has improved.

In my efforts to get to sleep I found a random indy radio station where a maudlin girl was playing weird music. I remember she played the horny goats? They had a sweet song about a bedroom death metal band. And stabbing people in the eye with a foreign object. She then played a band called the avalanche? Which in my half asleep sleeping pill addled mind came out all fractal and hip hop. I'd like to hear it awake.
Being the first one out the gate I was the spider plough. Overnight spiders spend hours laying tiny threads of icky across the trail, and the first person out is the lucky one that gets to clear them. Jamie was an excellent spider plough, his skills are missed.

I put up good times today, came down the mt fast, went to the grocery store for an hour or so and refilled my food bag, ate some really weird sourish low sugar yogurt and drank a dr pepper and was back on the trail after my one mile detour.

Today I left mass and crossed into Vermont. Also the first one hundred miles of the AT in VT are concurrent with another trail called the Vermont long trail. So it's like I'm hiking twice as far!

Tomorrow looks like it's either 7 or 13 miles, I'll make the call when I get to the first shelter tomorrow.

Jeff posted a C S Lewis quote in the comments, about not having your happiness being dependant on things that can be taken away. This got me thinking about creative endeavors and which ones I do for external validation vs the ones I do just to entertain myself. (I got there from the idea that any external validation is at risk of being removed)

This blog is probably my biggest project of late, and it is probably split 50/50 for myself vs being for you guys. I try to keep it entertaining, but sometimes I wander down these navel gazing topics too, which tends to be more for myself. But I probably wouldn't be writing these considerations down, if it wasn't for the blog. These thoughts would just evaporate and be forgotten like most thoughts.

The doodles I do in the trail logs are mostly for myself I think. Nobody on the trail cares about my skinny cow drawing, or Pac man not getting invited to the ghost party. I guess I hope they make someone smile.

This home brew rpg I'm simmering is by definition something that has to be done for an external audience. It needs other people to be experienced at all. (Hmm could you design a solo rpg game? Is that just a short story?)

I miss making music, that was more about working together. I'm not sure where it fell on the scale. I need to make a more serious effort to grind through the terrible early 500 hours of learning to play an instrument.

Making my clunky alcohol stove was internally validating. I like using it because I made it.

I'm betting that externally validating people are less successful than internally validating people. Now I'm just rambling.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Day 59: the thing you want

Miles: 10
Water 3

I stuck with my plan and did ten miles today. I took my time about it tho.  I stopped at a pond in the morning and watched the birds hunting water bugs. Listened to the frogs and watched all the hikers who left camp after me pass me up.

Around noon I hit a section called the cobble stones, a ridge of marble overlooking mt greylock. I stopped there for a while too and ate a spam sandwich.  It was one and I had gone a grand 4 miles.

When I got to the bottom of the cobbles there was a town with an ice cream stand. So I got a root beer float and a turkey sandwich that I saved for dinner.

My time to regret on ice cream and hiking is always short. It's like having cement in your belly. But I do love ice cream. If they had had slush it would have been optimal. I love cherry slush.

I finished the day going halfway up mt greylock ( I think it's called that I put my book away for the night.) The highest point in Mass. It is also the home of a wizarding school for you Harry potter fans. The shelter log said that j k just announced that a few days ago. When I get to the top tomorrow I'm stealing a messenger owl.

The last two days I've been hiking with a guy named omega. Omega cannot stop talking. He is just continuous lacking any filter between brain and mouth. I swear he let me pass him and catch up to him three times today just so he could talk. Ear buds were no defense. As I write this he has been taking to another hiker straight for an hour now.

Hiking has made clear to me something fairly obvious, but not something I have considered in depth. Humans have a desire for things they don't have.

As a basic rule of humans it's a pretty good one for survival. It gets you into food and shelter etc.  After that it starts to get strange.  A person working decides they need some nature so they want to be on the trail. Everyone on the trail wants food and civilization. This is what makes trail magic so powerful, it briefly sates this lust. It's why hikers are pulled into towns for showers and hotel beds.

When you are at home you want to go on vacation. After a week off vacation you want to be home. Most everyone dislikes working, but even these non working states leave you with a desire for the things they lack. I guess homes are the result of people tweaking an environment to best balance this constant desire.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence is how this is commonly put but it isn't quite right. I thought that hiking would be this state of mind and body that would be consuming enough in itself. But it is full of all these tiny desires for things missed. Getting to the other side of the fence never stops the need for something different.

Now I'm hoping that sometimes the grass really is greener. Hiking is better than working for example. Is it worth it to quit this job? Is it better to move somewhere new? Somehow I have to figure out how much of this midlife crisis angst is legitimate, and how much is just wishing I had a Gatorade on the trail.

Day 60: what do I eat? Garbage mostly

Miles: 6
Water: 1

I'm literally on top of a mountain, looking at a cell tower, and I have no service.

I was looking at Vermont in the book this morning and it looks pretty grim. Mass has been full of towns and easy resupply. Which I haven't really needed. Now that my food bag is starting to get low Vermont looks pretty rustic with no real towns in sight. I think I'm going to take a short day today stopping at a shelter on other side of greylock, so I can dip down into the last good town in mass tomorrow and resupply.

Now that I'm here at the shelter I'm feeling bored. I got here at a little before two, took a nap. Now it's three, so I have three hours to kill before I eat dinner. This shelter seems to be in an awkward spot just three miles after greylock, so I might actually try to sleep in the shelter instead of tenting today.

So what do you eat on the trail. I don't think I have answered that one yet. The main goal for eating is to get enough calories in you to keep up with your bodies needs. Hiking every day puts you into a kind of caloric overdrive. I think this is more true for younger people than myself. I am hungry a lot, but I haven't reached the levels of epic consumption I have seen others at.

In addition to calories you also want your food bag to be light. Food and water being two of the heaviest things you carry. So calorie dense foods are king.

Currently in my food bag I have:

Two packages of root beer pop tarts
About half a bag of protein granola

Those two are my typical breakfast. I usually have some kind of oaty cereal for the fiber.

A package of flour tortillas
A jar of almond butter
A jar of honey
A ziploc package of salmon

Lunch is often just nut butter and honey on a tortilla. But sometimes I mix it up and do tuna pack on a tortilla. Sometimes the tuna pack goes in with dinner instead.

A package of ramen noodles
A ziploc bag of cous cous
A package of beans and rice

Dinner is usually a hot meal, other favorites are pasta sides and instant mashed potato. I had some bad mashed potato meals early on so I have been avoiding them. It might be time to try them again. I like the couscous best because you don't need hot water for it. I've seen a number of people who go without stoves at all.  It's something I'd consider, just one les thing to fuss with.

Two Ziploc s of honey roasted cashews
The last few remnants of mike and ikes mixed with sour patch kids. (My new favorite candy experience)
Two cliff bars
One fruit bar, like a fruit roll up really
A bag of semi dried apricots

Snacks and random things round out the main meals. String cheese is good here too, I usually have cheezits or goldfish. Snickers bars are crazy calorie efficient. I miss that bar of dark chocolate I had. Nut mixes are very good calorie wise too. Some people really like jerky but I'm not a big fan. I don't crave meat protein too much, the fish packs seem to work fine. I guess that is some carry over from three or four years being  vegetarian.

Oh I also am carrying a spice kit. It is pared down now to pepper, powdered onion and oregano. The powdered onion is amazing. You can get some nice onion flavor in just about anything you make. I sprinkle it right on tuna, and it goes in many of the boil in bag meals. Just be sure it's powdered onion, and not onion salt. All the dehydrated foods tend to have more than enough salt in them.

Tomorrow I'm heading to a store to resupply. It's a bit early but I don't see any stores coming up in the next few days. So I will probably eat a bunch of food tonight to make as much room as I can.

Monday, July 11, 2016

Day 58: hiking!

Miles 16
Water: 3.x

It's amazing what a week off the trail can do. I put up a sixteen on mostly flat ground, a couple of 1000 foot climbs or descents. I'm pretty tired but not destroyed. I stopped in time to set up camp and eat dinner, even let myself get talked at for a while. Now I'm heading to bed at eight o clock which is when I usually try to get to sleep.

This is theoretically my goal state. Putting up 15s without feeling terrible afterward.  Honestly it probably only is possible because I took that time off. I'm not sure it would have happened if my feet started protesting at mile ten like they normally do. I guess I could take more pain relievers but I do try to limit those to one per day.

I guess I can tell you the contents of my meds bag. I'm like a pill scavenger taking whatever I can get. I have a bunch of genetic ibuprofen, some aleve, some tylenol PM, some allergy pills, some anti diarrhea and four mystery pain meds leftover from a friend's surgery. Those are just in case of newt-person attack.

Also included is a tube of triple antibiotic cream and a pair of nail clippers. Originally I had another bag with moleskin stuff for blisters, but I've found duct tape to be much easier to use and just as effective. Also I'm carrying alcohol for my stove that I could use in a pinch.

So far I've mostly just used the ibuprofen. The other stuff I've used once or twice at most.

I'm just doing ten miles tomorrow, so it should be a short day. Originally I was going to meet someone from board game geek in this area and get a shower and a game night in, but he is out of town this week. I'm pretty disappointed.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Day 57: part 2

Miles 7
Water: 1

He was hiking again. The first few feet off the road and into the woods felt awkward. He had been at home doing this just a week ago, but a torn muscle had sent him off the trail for a week. A week is all the time it took to get soft and spoiled again. Seduced by a comfortable bed, access to tv, fast internet, any kind of food you could imagine and all the board games you could play.  He had just been dropped off by his friends mother. She was driving home after a vacation and going his way. He remembered her from high school, she had always seemed severe and a touch angry, but now in her semi retirement she was generous and quick to laugh. His teenage brain had probably misread her as they do.

The hill seemed tough at first. Not because of the incline, but because he didn't feel like he belonged here. He felt clean, freshly showered, he felt full, with a vanilla coke and a fast food breakfast sandwich in his belly. He wondered if he had made a mistake coming back out. This was the compromise leg of his hike. The original plan was to do half of the Appalachian trail, to crush out sixteen miles a day and do it in three months. Now he was not even halfway two months in. Restarting after an injury, and only planning on doing another three weeks before going back to work. That's the compromise, setting the hard date that the hike would end. It felt like he was starting from scratch and that made the first mile hard.

The rain was fogging his glasses. Only a few dedicated raindrops could manage to get through the canopy above him but the humidity and heat from his body was the perfect recipe for condensation. He had to stop every few hundred yards to wipe his glasses clear. He tried rubbing some of the oil and grease from the sides of his nose onto the lenses like his father did to prevent fogging. It had mixed results. Eventually he grew frustrated with his doubtful state of mind and he stopped. He took  a few minutes to wrap his leg with a sticky black bandage wrap. He dry swallowed an Advil. And he unzipped the useless legs off his convertable shorts. He started up again shortly with ear buds in, listening to local news on the radio. As mud started to spatter the backs of his legs he was feeling like a hiker again.

Two hours later he was forced to switch from the radio to listening to the music his friend had sent him. He was going through the albums alphabetically and was on an instrumental album of guitar moaning. It was good hiking music with a plodding tempo. He saw some swamps, a small lake too. The trees were starting to shift. The lush deciduous trees of the middle States were starting to slowly morph into the new England pines that he had grown up with. He saw a few bright orange newts. They always came out when it rained. Before he had meticulously photographed each one with his phone. This time he just stopped and picked them up, gently tossing them off the trail so other hikers wouldn't step on them. The newts had the feel of thin rubber, like a glove, but in their limp panicked struggles he could feel the life inside them. The newts didn't seem to be harmed by the short tosses into the nearby leaf litter. He hoped they would live through these dangerous teenage years to return to the water and become salamanders.

His doubts about hiking were erased by the guitars, or at the least they were pushed down into a hole to bide their time. He was back on the trail, back to turning time into miles when abruptly he was at the shelter that was his goal for the day. It was a bit early to stop, but he had good reasons to quit for the day. He didn't want to push his leg too hard and he didn't want to have to find a good stealth camping spot in the rain if it started up again.

He came up into the campground, pulling the ear buds from his ears so as not to be rude. He was surprised to find the shelter packed with people. A smooth dog was barking at him, someone was snapping branches loudly tossing them into a smoking almost fire, couples were laughing and chatting, clothes were hung on lines everywhere capitalizing on the first fleeting sunlight of the day. He entered the camp quietly nodding to most, he exchanged the most words with the dog, which turned out to be quite soft and relaxed. The conversations of the others revealed they had been hiking together for a little while. He also noted a few others who were not skinny through hiker but bigger guys wearing under armour and dare to challenge shirts. A couple of older guys were present, one who just looked unhappy, the father of under armor, and one that he recognized from way back on the trail. An older guy named sci fi who was mostly known for napping directly beside the trail. Sci fi didn't seem to recognize him, which was fine because he was still in a bit of an anti social mood.

He took a few minutes to enjoy having his pack off, checked his phone. He found a picture in a text text message. His roommates done up in black and green goth formalwear. Their hair was freshly dyed matching vibrating green. A wedding portrait, one of the few things that he was sad about missing for this trip. His thumb glided over his phone to issue a congratulations. He signed the shelters log book. Then he wandered off to find a good spot to set up his tent.

Not too much longer he went back through the shelter area to fill his dirty water bag at the small tea stained stream nearby. Instead of heading back to his tent directly he hung out by the fire being a little bit social. The dogs name was delilah and the long haired proto weatherman started to sing "hey there delilah" word for word, while two of the other hikers argued over who originally sang the song. Just as he was pondering pushing the singing weatherman into the fire one of the girls started gagging.

A black ichor trickled from her lips for a moment, and her whole body seemed to momentarily swell outward then partially deflate. One of the bulky extreme shirt guys asked if she was ok. The woman just reached out putting her hand in his open mouth and started to pull down on his jaw with a sickening cracking noise. Her skin started to break shifting to the sides. He stood there stunned as underneath her sloughing skin he saw the same velvety rubber as the newts. Something was inside her former shell, her tight camp clothes holding the remains of her human body against whatever was underneath.

Delilah the dog was the first to act to try to save her master. She sank her teeth deep into the creatures thigh, letting out a continuous angry growl.
He heard more gagging and when he looked he could see the transformed girls boyfriend was dripping from the mouth with the same black. The camp was erupting into chaos, screaming and scrambling all around as the hikers tried to parse what was happening. Right in front of him he could see under armor guys jaw was dislocated as he struggled to push the creature away. Her hand had shoved it's way into his belly as well starting a stream of blood down his legs.

He finally snapped out of it and moved to help under armor. His arms wrapping around the creatures arms from behind as he tried to pull her back, helping delilah. He swore he could feel the outside of her body sliding around the core of wherever was under her shredding skin. The creature staggered back away from under armor, flailing and struggling against him. Whatever it was. The thing was strong and it was all he could do to hang on keeping the creature semi immobile. He saw weatherman swing a hiking pole uselessly against the creature. The light carbon fiber just bouncing off her face, revealing more of that smooth lizard skin and a single dark eyeball. He could hear a struggle behind him. As boyfriend creature started attacking, screams filled the air.

His arms started to burn as he squeezed the creature from behind. Her talons raking across his leg. He couldn't hold on much longer. He saw weatherman take the hiking stick, and this time he used it like a spear, jabbing it hard into the creature. This time instead of bouncing off, the tip jammed deep into the creatures chest. He felt the brief surge of strength in the beast as it struggled to escape. Knocking his arms free as weatherman stabbed again. The pole getting lodged but apparently hitting something vital making the ex hiker fall to the ground.

When he turned he could see the other female hiker holding a foot wide rock in her hands, pummeling something inside the shelter. He didn't have the stomach to look.

Two humans dead, one fled into the woods, two creatures dead as well. The survivors tried to call the authorities, but the phone lines were jammed. Those that had cell service, their phones started to babble with text messages and tweets. He had taken his shirt and used his leg wrap as a makeshift bandage but those talon gouges throbbed with pain, he definitely needed stitches.

While the others debated what to do he limped back to his tent. He passed delilah who had taken up vigil over her dead master, his face stuck in an expression of jaw broken surprise. He looked away not ready to deal with that. Back at his camp he rummaged through his medical bag,, finding one of white pain pills his roommate had given him. He hadn't planned on using them but this seemed like the time. As the chemical taste bit his tongue he wondered how his newly Wed roommates were doing. 

He sat down on the ground by his tent, the saturated ground giving up its water to soak through his shorts. He found his iPod, numbly finding the radio setting and sliding the ear buds in. As the pain pill took effect he listened to the news of the outside world falling into chaos. Nobody was coming. Maybe this was the best place to be.